Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God, I missed his penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
