woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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