After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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