I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
