Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
