i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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