I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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