fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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