Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
that's an acceptable place to lick
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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