first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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