And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
