what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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