I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
