I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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