Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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