dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
