This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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