I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
