it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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