I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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