Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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