all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
