Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
