They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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