If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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