Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry about my life...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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