Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
