Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my liver is dry heaving
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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