Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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