I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
