Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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