I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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