she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
