The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
