oh god the rape fog is back!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
