I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
