My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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