Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
