Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
with your own penis?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
