I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
