Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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