We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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