Cold hands, warm shart.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
