Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
