so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
