She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
