idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
