Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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