In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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