bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
