So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
