Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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