We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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