It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
