hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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