i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just invented taco cereal.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
